Social Styles / Management Style - Robert and Dorothy Bolton

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I just read a great book! It's a management book which I wasn't sure I would enjoy - being a touchy feely artsy spirit driven worship leader musician... I read it for 2 reasons - #1 It came recommended by someone I trust. #2 It's a short read. I more than enjoyed this book.. It really held up a mirror to my past failures in personal communication and helped me identify the causes.

Who wouldn't want to be more successful with personal communication?

I've often noticed that there were certain groups of people I communicated/related very well with and others that I always seemed to fail - even though I gave the same effort, time, and heart.  This book made things clear by introducing me to the notion of Social Styles.



Social Styles is a pattern of interpersonal communication. 4 styles are discovered as we understand the scale of Assertiveness and Responsiveness of individuals.  These 4 styles are Analytical, Amiable, Expressive, and Driver.

Assertive scales horizontal - Responsive scales vertical

I had been making the mistake of thinking some people like me and others don't - and that is why I do or don't have communicative success.  (Yes!  I would really take that personally) From reading this book I see that there was something else at play.

The people I was having difficulty with weren't hating me - they were simply operating from a different social style.

I'm an expressive and chances are you creative artists are as well! (But maybe not!!)

An Expressive is..

• emotionally responsive - I love to see people respond to me, seem excited, be emotive.   
• Assertive - I love to tell people my ideas, give direction, make decisions

Some people aren't (as) responsive or assertive.  My social style might bother them, annoy them, make them uncomfortable. Their social style might make me feel the same.  Simply being aware of these differences will help me be sensitive to our style differences.  

Understanding someones social style is crucial in communication.

As we understand each other we can altar our normal style - Style Flex.  Maybe to best communicate with our analytical sound man I need to be less assertive... This could mean asking questions...  Maybe to best communicate with our church secretary I need be less responsive - Limit my volume and gestures, be more "down to business."

This book does a great job of walking you through how to best use the Style Flex. I have stopped communicating in a "1 size fits all" mentality. I have also stopped taking style differences as a personal attack - It's a lot easier to be Christ like when you aren't always mad at your brothers and sisters. :)

Go check this book out ASAP!